Into Her Eyes
by Mackenzie Thea
Summary: A song-fic about why Snape is so bitter, hint, it involves Lily. This might be the best I've written...


DISCLAIMER: The books currently known as Harry Potter and the characters therein do not belong to me, nor did I ask permission to use them. They belong to J. K. Rowling, Bloomsbury Publishing's, Scholastic Inc., and Warner Bros. Entertainment. I own nothing! When it comes to copyrights, I, like, live in a cardboard box! Don't sue me because I'm just a pathetic person who doesn't deserve to be.. Hey, where are you guys going? I thought you were going to read my story! Oh yeah, and all the rights for "Paradise (Not For Me)" belong to Madonna, William Orbit and their homies. They're not mine either! If you are one of Madonna's lawyers, what a nice suit Ma'am/Sir!  
  
Note from the author: This is a song fic about when Severus Snape found out about the Potters' death and about him going on to meet Harry, why he saved him the first year and loads of other stuff. Yes, it is the Lily Evans unrequited love thing again, I can't help it! And I thought of it before you all!! (During book 2!) The song is "Paradise (not for me)" by Madonna. The song itself was kind stupid, she does it in this mock-Japanese voice but it has some cool effects. Anyway I heard it and thought it'd be a challenge to make it into a Snape songfic. Thus we are here. Please note that I cut out some of the repetitive lyrics and the ones sang in French(?), and I kinda rewrote it a bit. Oh, yes, and I stole the idea of Snape's momma dying in his arms from Lady Snape, if you are reading this Lady Snape it was a beautiful thought and I will retract it if you ask me to. With that in mind please enjoy. And, as always, your comments, bad or good, are extremely appreciated.  
  
Into Her Eyes  
by Mackenzie Thea  
(with a bit of help from Madonna)  
  
Dedication  
This songfic is dedicated to Lady Snape, a true Snape fan who helps peeps everywhere feel for the poor slimeball who has used deep conditioner one too many times.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Severus Snape sat in his loft holding the note that would change his life, and grasping the memories that could lead him to end it. James Potter and Lily Evans had died that night, by the hands of his master Lord Voldemort. Severus' mind still called her Lily Evans because in his minds eye she never met James. They never got married, never had a child, never died. She was never torn away from him. But his heart sought only the truth, and the truth was his one true friend and one true love was now lost to eternity. The outgoing red-haired girl who had befriended him so many years ago with a simple question of his name. Thinking back most of Severus' memories of his childhood were but a swirl of people and color. But he remembered Lily, everything about her, perfectly.   
  
"I can't remember  
When I was young..."  
  
Severus held the note up for his eyes to inspect it again in the dim light. It was from Albus Dumbledore inviting him to teach at Hogwarts, a dream Severus had harbored through his childhood. Though his dream involved him teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts with Lily down the hall teaching Charms. They were a couple, married in the eyes of God and going to have children. Still more tears slid down Severus' face as he remembered that dream that he had hidden from his heart when he had become a Death Eater. It was then that Lily had told him that she was in love with someone else... James. Severus knew that the dream would not be the same without Lily.  
  
"But my life goes on  
But not the same..."  
  
But there was an instance in his life when Lily loved him. It was just a few weeks, but he did once call her his girl. No girl had ever looked at Severus the way Lily had, like she had looked past his eyes and into his soul. It was different for Severus, he was so secluded, so far from the other students. He never tried out for Quidditch, he never found interest in any of the things the other kids his age enjoyed, not even dating. He never felt he wasn't good enough, and in his insecurity he became bitter. But then there was Lily. She looked at him with those beautiful green eyes, and he felt as though he was the most important person in the world. The only time he had ever truly smiled since his mother had died in his arms was now lost in that reflection of green that, for a time, seemed to light the world. Lily's beautiful eyes.  
  
"Into your eyes  
My face remains.."  
  
That night, for a mere minute in time, Severus closed his eyes and he could see her. Her hair red and gold, like a Chinese Fireball, her eyes green as emeralds and more precious. He saw her in that day when he had given her Godric Gryffindor's necklace. It matched her eyes perfectly. She looked so happy, as he placed it around her neck, she looked like a goddess. He remembered that day, it had been the first day he kissed her. His first kiss. His only kiss. But it didn't matter now, he wanted to stay in that moment forever, just as he had wanted to at the time. He did want to open his eyes, he wanted that to be the last thing he remembered as he died there in the loft. But that feeling of happiness left no room for morbidness, so he opened his eyes and for a moment he felt like he could do anything.  
  
"I've been so high..."  
  
The feeling was momentary, it did not last. He went on, he taught at Hogwarts unfearing of the wrath of the Death Eaters he knew walked free. He didn't fear them because he didn't care, not about anything anymore. He kept his mind on Potions, his station at Hogwarts and did not look anyone in the eye for fear they would die or leave him. Or both.  
  
"I've been so down..."  
  
Snape was sitting at the teachers table in the Great Hall one day many years later. He heard Flitwork and Quirell whispering excitedly about something. McGonagall joined in on the subject and she too sounded excited. Snape became quiet and listened to what they were saying for a moment, just to see what it was.  
"The Potter boy is coming this year!"  
"You mean Lily and James' boy?"  
"Yeah, Harry Potter! It'll be so exciting what with a hero around here and all..."  
Severus became ill, he left the hall and went into a bathroom not far from Potions. He splashed water on his face and looked in the mirror. He couldn't bear seeing that boy, the so called "hero" of his people. It was all James Potter's fault, he always had to steal everything from Severus, even in his death he stole the satisfaction of never having to think about him again. He couldn't help it he hated James, the first time he had met him he knocked him into a lake! He had stolen Lily and for that he could never forgive him ... not even in death.   
But it so happens that the first persons eyes he looked into again were green, the exact green Lily's were. For a moment his heart raced, he let himself believe that Lily was alive again. It was the greatest feeling in the world.  
  
"Up to the skies..."  
  
Severus softened his gaze and let himself see who the eyes belong to, his hope vanished as quickly as it had come. He was now filled with fear and hate, James Potter was sitting there, looking just like he did the first day of school when he had pushed Severus into the lake. How could he be alive? A sickening feeling overwhelmed Severus as he put two and two together. He green eyes, James Potter's looks, it was the boy. That brat, that "hero" that Harry Potter! He couldn't believe it. Harry crumpled over in pain clutching his forehead. Severus wondered if he had done that to him accidentally, which was when he looked over at Quirrell who was glaring at Harry.   
  
"Down to the ground..."  
  
Severus found himself delivering Potter from the jaws of death again and again that year. Not only that, but the boy would probably never realized it. The way Severus acted towards Harry, you have thought he hated him. But he didn't, he hated James for taking Lily and making such a talented boy with her. He hated Lily for leaving him for James, though in his heart he could never hate her. He hated himself for what he had become, again so distant from the world around him, like he had been when he met Lily. But now there was no extraordinary girl to look past the ugliness of his manner and into the heart he kept to himself. He had let himself fall back into the ways of his old bitterness, because he was blind to the fall.  
  
"I was so blind   
I could not see..."  
  
When he looked at Harry he did feel hatred, it was because it was in Harry's eyes that he saw the future he might have had. If he hadn't been so cold, if he had said the right words to Lily that day instead of walking away. In Harry's eyes he saw the son he might have had if he had just opened his heart, if he had just known how.  
  
"Your paradise  
Was not for me..."  
  
He grew bitter in his loneliness and lost in thought more often. He took his bitterness out on Harry, he had tried to be nice that first year but he found it too hard to be nice to the-the-the spawn of James Potter. He decided that since he had saved Harry's life he could now make fun of him without the slightest lapse of concise. He was wrong, but he kept that to himself. Still every once in a while, in Potions class he would look at Harry's eyes and think of Lily, and he knew that she was there. That James was there, that they both watched over their son always. He knew that Lily saw the cruelties he showed her son, such was his lapse of concise. But he knew that she forgave him because in a place far away, their love still existed. He would never learn that just because she loved James didn't mean she stopped loving him. She watched over Severus too.  
  
"There is a light   
Above my head..."  
  
And that place, the one Severus yearned, longed to be in, where their love never ebbed or died, or faded with time ... was in her eyes.  
  
"Into your eyes  
My place remains..."  
  
The End 


End file.
